What She Said

Does your dog have danglers? You know, those pesky pieces of poop that refuse to let go; hence, spiraling your beloved pet into a never ending circle of shit hell.

Pooter (our long-haired dachsund (although we keep her trimmed so that she closely resembles a short-haired dachsund)) is the unofficial “Doggie Dangle Queen”. Once or twice a week our Miss Pooter, after having ‘done her business’, will return to the mud room and promptly roll over on her back. It’s not a hint; it’s a command. “Wipe my butt”, she’s saying. And……..of course, I do.

If ten years ago you’d have even had the balls to suggest that I’d be wiping a dog’s ass, I’d have mopped the floor with you.

PaPa can you see me????????? PaPa can you hear me????????

I am the official TP person in our home. I replace the toilet paper 99.9999999999999999(you get the drift)% of the time. And EVERY time I replace the roll, the open flap goes over the top.

Now you need to know that the TP refills are located less than an arm’s length away from the toilet in both of our bathrooms; yet most of the time when I replace the roll, there’s scarcely more than one sheet left on it. So, it’s not like someone has to tuck their butt cheeks, pull up their pants and walk down the hall for a new roll.

But, the (extremely) few times that it is replaced by the men in the house, they always load it where the delivery is ‘under’ the roll.

This is wrong; this is so wrong I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong it is. If you jerk on an under-loaded roll, you’ll get a huge mass of toilet paper streaming across the floor which men refuse to reload and instead, will shove it down the toilet in hopes that it won’t plug up on their flush but on mine.

If you jerk on an over-loaded roll, you get exactly what you’ve hoped for………a nice, neat group of sheets that you can easily use and flush.

So, what is it with men?!?! Why the HELL can’t they learn to load the TP?!?!?

What a little negotiation did for John’s car:

(I know, I’m nuts)

Wonder if I could negotiate with a plastic surgeon?