What She Said

There’s a little tag game going around amongst some of the bloggers and just as I was enjoying reading the responses, I got tagged (wonder who would do that?). Since I’m relatively new to the blog world, I don’t even know three bloggers to send the game along; so, I had hoped to “beg off” by leaving a nice little comment in the tagger’s blog. You’d think that would suffice, right? NOOOOOOOOO!!! I have been nagged beyond comprehension and guilted into submission. So, here is the tag game along with my answers:

1. What book would I like to be?

Love You Forever by Robert Munsch and Shelia McGraw. I started reading this to my youngest son, John when he was less than a week old and even then, he’d just look at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and stay really still. I made up a little tune to go with the themed verse and once in a while, even now (at 16) he’ll come up behind and hug me and sing it in my ear. I put his well worn book in a safe place (or so I thought) when we moved; but when he asked about it, I couldn’t find it! We were both crushed! I got so upset, I cried. A month or so later, he came home with another copy (now, mind you, this is a 16 year old boy) and said, “Mom, I thought you probably needed this”. *sniff* Of course, the original copy turned up and is now safely tucked away with John’s baby things.

2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character?

You mean besides Tony Soprano? Yes, I had (have) a crush on Jay Gatsby of The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I’ve loved this book since I was in my early teens and then, to see Robert Redford portray him in the movie. Mama Mia!!! I’m having a case of the vapors!

3. What was the last book I bought?

The Rising by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, the latest in the Left Behind series. I can hardly wait for Warren to finish it!

4. What is the last book I read?

The Rescuer by Dee Henderson, the final book in the O’Malley series. In fact, I read all seven (prequel plus six) in about a month. What a wonderful set! My MIL gave them to us and we both devoured them!

5. What am I currently reading?

Safe Harbour by Danielle Steel. *blush* Okay, so everyone should read a cheesy novel every now and then.

6. What 5 books would I take with me if I were stranded on a desert island?

Whew, that’s a tough one! Of course, I’d take along my Bible (1). The Great Gatsby (2) would definitely be included. As much as I enjoy Maya Angelou’s Hallelujah! The Welcome Table, a cookbook probably wouldn’t be practical. I’d definitely bring along Love You Forever (3) for obvious reasons. The Godfather (4) by Mario Puzo would be a good one to have along; at the very least it would take my mind off the fact that I was alone and definitely have me looking over my shoulder. Lastly, I’d most likely include a notebook (well, it is a book) (5) and pencil so I could journal. Then, when I’m rescued, I could blog my experiences!

7. What 3 people am I going to tag and make answer these questions and why?

Actually, I’m only going to tag one person, MoMo, my precious daughter-in-love because she’s the only other person I know with a blog who hasn’t already been tagged (besides my boys who wouldn’t do it anyway)!

Now then brat, you happy? *grin*

I’ve been a fan of Dell computers since 1998 when I purchased a used one from a friend. It lasted until 2000 when I decided I wanted a more powerful Dell, one that went “VROOOOOOOOOOOMMMM” when it booted! So, we gave my Dell to MIL and I got the new one.

I had not a single problem with my brand new machine except for the occasional viruses that scootched under my AV program. I did have to re-format a couple of times because of those pesky boogers.

Then comes Christmas, 2004. Mind you, I still have had no major problems with my puter; however, Warren said that it “sounds like a sick cow when it’s booting and it’s ready to die”. He was absolutely positive that it was headed for the great computer store in the sky. So, it was his (and his only) idea to get me a new Dell for Christmas, of course, completely without my knowledge. I mean, I hadn’t even an eensy clue!

Here we are Christmas morning, 2004 gathered around the tree…. my son Joey and his wife Monica, my son John and Warren and I. There are tons and tons of wrapped gifts overflowing from under and around the tree; in fact, the entire end of the livingroom is stacked with gifts.

Now, I’m the kind of “kid” who goes through all the gifts and knows which ones are hers and who they are from long before the opening ceremony. I knew for a fact that there was nothing from Warren to me under that tree. I figured his gift must be a) Too big to fit in the livingroom or b) So small that he thought it might get lost under the tree. As you can see, I had cars and diamonds on my mind.

Well, I was handed ten envelopes each holding a single letter of the alphabet. It became my duty to determine from the letters just exactly what Warren had gotten me. So, while everyone is tearing gift wrap, laughing, ooohing and aaahing over their treasures, I’m on my hands and knees on the floor trying to unscramble this word: “PEDLWECALN“. After about thirty minutes, I finally came up with “CAP WENDELL” but was stumped; I don’t even KNOW Wendell, how could I possibly CAP him? Of course Warren and the kids were rolling because they all knew what it was supposed to be. It took me another five minutes or so to come up with “A NEW DELL PC“!!! I was sooooo excited! (and already thinking of payback for Mr. W!).

Shortly after Christmas, Warren decided that he needed a PC (he’s always used a laptop). I, of course, encouraged him to purchase a Dell but he wanted something NOW (not wanting to have to order and wait). So, he bought a Hewlett-Packard PC from Sam’s. About two weeks ago, it started giving him all kinds of trouble…….I mean things like it won’t boot up unless he puts the operating system CD in, or it boots to a black screen that says certain drivers can’t be found. He’s really having problems with it……….and I’ve been very sympathetic. Know how I show my concern? I tell him “You shoulda got a Dell“!

You think that doesn’t piss him off?!?! LOLOLOLOL!

Hooked! I am totally and completely hooked on “The Sopranos“. Now mind you, we’re too cheap to have any premium channels with our cable package; so, in order to watch The Sopranos, I’ve had to purchase the DVD’s. I’m waiting (impatiently) for Season Four to arrive now.

What is it about the Mafia that fascinates us? Is it the crime, the action, the forbidden romances, the language? Yes to all.

Growing up in a very small town in southeastern New Mexico, for me the Mafia was as remote as pistachio ice cream. I’d never even heard of either until I was a young adult and had ventured into the big city (Oklahoma City, to be exact). And then, my total knowledge of the mob was limited (and still is) to what I saw on TV and read in the newspapers. It was The Godfather and The Untouchables (with Kevin Costner, of course *sigh*) that captivated me. Since then, anything regarding The Family is a must on my read/watch list.

I had heard/read about The Sopranos for a couple of years but couldn’t be convinced to pay for HBO or buy the DVD until I saw a clip on some stupid entertainment channel. It took less than ten minutes to order the first season. I’ve now watched three seasons in less than a month’s time. Now I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be cheaper to order HBO for a few months to watch the fifth season. Knowing my addiction though, I’d probably buy the new season anyway!

So now you know my deepest darkest secret. I’m a comare wannabe.

Don’t try to find me, I’m on the lam with Tony. Fuhgeddaboutit! Ain’t no big f*#kin’ deal.

Today I’m writing about “just cause”………just cause I can. You see, my life is simply not interesting enough to write about every day.

I’m a disabled, professional woman who spends most of her days at home. So, for me to have a truly exciting, interesting, humorous, sad or happy event to write about is ununusal. Now, if you want “melancholy”, I got a million of ‘em!

Yesterday, we visited the in-laws who live about 40 miles from us (Yippee…..an outing!). Dad, Warren (hubby) and I played Scrabble while Mom read the Sunday paper. She is in the hospital today for shoulder replacement; we’ll be heading back to check on her this evening (Yippee…..another outing!).

Back to the Scrabble game, I proudly whomped Dad and Warren in the first game (”earthy” on a double word for 40) and was more than happy to walk away a winner. However, that’s “just not how it’s done in this house“; so, I sat down for another game and promptly came in second (Dad cheated with “quo” and the game was too close for me to have the guts to call him on it). Warren was less that pleased with the outcome of the games as he came in last in both. Poor baby! Of course, he received tons of condolences from Mom along with a couple of chocolate chip cookies.

Would I trade yesterday for a day full of adventure and excitement so I’d have more to share? Nah, it was a day spent with family. No arguments, no one in trouble, no anger, no sadness; just a quiet, loving family enjoying each other.

Returning from the in-laws last weekend, we passed a lovely home that was connected to a pizza place. I mean, it was conjoined, as in “having the ability to move from one structure to another without feeling, seeing or breathing outside air”.

I asked DH if the folks in the home owned the pizza place. He replied that at one time they did; but several years ago the ownership split.

So I’m thinking, if I were house hunting, would I want my home to be physically joined to a pizza place? As DH said, I suppose there could be worse things, i.e. sewer plant. However, I just don’t think I could handle waking up every morning to the smell of Parmesan Cheese.

Now, I have nothing against Parmesan Cheese……….I love it on Italian food and in salads. However, it has got to be the worst smelling eatable.

And the only other thing in the entire world that smells exactly like Parmesan Cheese is a newborn baby’s belly button.

Funny, how if I know it’s the cheese I’m smelling……..I hate the smell. But if it’s that precious newborn BB smell………..I’m in love.

The nine things that irritate me about everyone!

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

I ran across this in a newsgroup tonight and nearly peed myself laughing. It’s just too funny and precious not to share; and all of you young mothers out there will really appreciate it!

The Middle Wife
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday

“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’”

Now the kid’s doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. “My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man.”

“They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. “And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

“Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push, and breathe, breathe.’ They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom’s play-center; so there must be a lot of stuff inside there.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, if it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

I am mother to two wonderful, handsome sons.

Joey, my oldest son (27), is the philospher of the family; he can cause you to ponder things you’d never imagined and makes the world a better place with his ideas, his compassion, his humor and his talents. He’s a computer whiz (thank God!) and has helped this demented old(ish) woman more times than I can count. And he’s married to Monica, the most precious girl in the world…….I’m so thrilled to have her as my daughter-in-law. Joey, you just make life better………thank you, son.

John, (16), is my never-ending supply of joy, surprises and typical teenage crises. He currently lives with his Father in Oklahoma but will be moving back here this summer to finish high school. John makes me smile simply because he’s my son and can make me cry for the same reason. I love you, John.

Waaaay early in the wee hours of this morning, I rolled over in bed and noticed that not only was the clock not glaring at me but the ceiling fan had ceased to ceil. The electricity was out! Now, a normal person would jump up and go to the bathroom (for the urge is what had, in fact, awakened me); but, knowing that there is a battery-operated clock in the bathroom, I chose to practice my kegels. The theory behind this being…….if I got up to pee and saw that it was after 9:00 a.m., I’d be guilted into getting up. But with the electricity off, I really didn’t KNOW what time it was and could continue to enjoy the quiet darkness of the bedroom. Now really, what would you do?

Turns out, the electricity went off around 9:48 a.m. (okay, so it wasn’t “waaaay early in the wee hours of the morning”). When the fan began to ceil again, I woke and saw the time was 11:30 a.m. Ahhhh………Life in the Slow Lane……….

My son, Joey, is “da bomb”! I was having so much trouble getting this bloggery stuff set up on my server and he jumped right in and took care of it for me! What crazed, old(ish) mom could ask for more? Check out his site, Speakbold; not only is Joey a talented graphic artist but he’s also a great photographer. You’ll find his stories to be really interesting and funny, as well.

Okay, Joey…….payment enough? *grin*

“da mom”